posing
several months ago a local chiropractor offered an information session to the hiv+ communities, and a subsequent free initial consultation session. i attended the presentation and decided to take him up on his offer. as part of the deal, i had to get x-rays and do what is called a posture print, where they put stickers on key points of the body and map one's posture using the image, similar to the technology used in making "avatar" and other films. i was shocked at the results.
i spend so much time looking down, either while walking around or sitting at my computer, or doing whatever else i might do, that my cervical vertebrae in the front are on the verge of fusing together. i have been in traction for this three times a week for over three months now, and my upper body posture has improved immensely. i'm supposed to get another x-ray now to assess my progress, but it is unclear if medicare will cover it and i can't afford to pay the $40-$60 charge to get it done. hopefully i can pay it with my check next month because otherwise we will be at a stand-still on that. at least we can now start addressing my lower back issues with more diligence now, which had to take a back seat to what required more urgent attention at the time.
i'm walking around with my head held high in a way that i haven't in a long time, if ever. it has been very interesting to note the psychological impact of this on myself and others, and how this shifts my perception of myself and the perception others have of me. it is as if i am facing the world more directly than i ever have before. (well, i am.) it also leaves me wondering if people now see me as arrogant or snobbish as i walk around with my head held high. i thought about a friend of mine who has great posture and asked him about it, and he told me that people have in fact accused him of that very quality - arrogance - based solely on his posture. (trust me, he is the furthest thing from arrogant that you can imagine.) what other assumptions or judgements do we make about others based solely on their posture?
i look forward to what other changes this might bring, and to incorporating them into my new "identity". the thing is, I have had medical problems over the last year during which it would have been helpful to have family support. it would have been nice while i dealt with some of my ongoing back problems. it would have been nice when i was knocked down with a severe case of bronchitis and was laid up in bed for a week. it would have been nice during the depths of my depression. but i don't, and the depression had me isolating from the friends-family who might have provided that support.
