jeopardy
I went and bought some more medical marijuana today. I have been smoking a couple of joints almost every day. My stomach has been bothering me, and once I get into a routine of smoking I have a hard time getting out. The truth is, it helps for a while and then, like everything else I do for my chronic gastrointestinal distress, the strength of the beneficial effect gradually coasts downward. Then I try something else.
But lately I have been smoking a lot of marijuana, and my stomach was fucked up again today – nothing new, of course, but rather one of the basic reasons for my disability – and I once again I opted not to resist the urge to sooth it with some smoke. At some point, though, I wonder if all the smoking isn’t causing some distress. If I remember correctly, some smoke does get into the stomach when one smokes, and research has shown that smokers have a higher rate of stomach ulcer. Marijuana has some of the same bad stuff as any other smoked plant material. I know that smoking is not good for the brachial tubes and the lungs; that is unquestionable.
I have been trying to stop, but haven’t managed to do so. It is also eating up a lot of my precious money. I think I have already gone through the $300 that my mother gave me to help me with travel expenses when I went down to help her after her surgery. It seems like that money could have gone for much better things. At the same time, I’m not beating myself too much for smoking. It is simply what I’m doing right now – and it is also good for my insomnia and my tendency to ruminate.
I have been doing a lot of nothing, and rather enjoying that. That’s probably not a completely fair statement, as for example I ran some errands, took a long walk and hung out with friends on Saturday evening, and then hosted a couchsurfer (www.couchsurfing.org) and walked around and bar-hopped with him on Sunday. On Monday after he left I did nothing but stay in the house and play Solitaire, Hearts and Mah Jong on the computer. Again, I am being overly-harsh on myself, as I also worked a little and watched my usual “Jeopardy”, and then a few episodes of “Antiques Roadshow”. The fact remains, however, that I did stay in the house the entire day that day. I say this a lot and I think people get sick of it and think I’m exaggerating, but the weather very much affects my mood and state of mind, and I detest cold weather. I simple couldn’t motivate myself to go out in that cold.
Today of course I was at physical therapy, even though nauseated before and most of the time I was there. I did stay and do a little extra on my own. I am at home now, an hour from my favorite show (although Alex Trebec could go, and I hate that they have so many Judeo-Christian religious and sports categories), hoping that my stomach settles down. I’m still hoping to get some work in before “Jeopardy” starts, and after “Glee”. (Yeah, I am a hard-core Gleek.) I got called to do a program review for the federal government in January, and there is a small honorarium with that which I’ll get some weeks after.
Hopefully that will be a ticket to Brazil – and in time for Carnaval!
